It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting,
for death is the destiny of every man;
the living should take this to heart.
It made me realize that I usually don't take it to heart that death is my destiny, and that I don't live like it is most of the time. Instead, I often live in fear and hold myself back because of worries and what-ifs. Well lately, it has started to hit me that this is no way to live. When I was still in school, I had things built into my life that kept me distracted and busy, so I didn't notice so much that I avoided things that scare me. Or that I'm bad at being proactive and confident about things (probably because putting myself out there and risking failure is hugely scary to me). I did a few things that made me mildly nervous but usually it was something that I considered to be relatively "safe."
Now I live at home with my parents. I work at the same job I've always worked at (all through high school, summers when I went to college, and now after graduating), I don't have much of a community nearby (this isn't to say I don't still really love and appreciate my brothers and sisters who don't live nearby), and I am just plain BORED. It's a kind of boredom and complacency that I haven't really experienced before, and I'm growing more and more frustrated with the fact that my life feels as if it's going absolutely nowhere right now. I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, but I do know that right now I feel extremely restless and I just want to do something besides live with my parents and work just enough to pay the bills (don't get me wrong--I am very thankful that I have parents who are willing to help me out and a job that has been a blessing in ways I never expected). I know that's the way a lot of people live--existing, doing what they must to get by, settling into predictability. And in some ways, it is much more comfortable to live that way. But, contrary to what those people (and I) may sometimes feel, I think that way of living has hidden risks--which makes it all the more risky. By staying comfortable and "safe" you are risking--no, giving up--the tremendous opportunities there are to have life to the full, which is what God wants for us all. I'm not saying everybody has to go off on crazy adventures all the time, but there are definitely simple ways of getting outside your comfort zone and doing something new--perhaps even something that's scary for you. I guess what I'm saying is that you can risk failure or disappointment by doing something that's scary, or you can risk missing out on life by staying inside whatever little box is comfortable for you.
I'm definitely still figuring life out, just like everybody else. I'm still learning how to trust God with my life so much so that I can go out with faith, not knowing what will happen but trusting that God has everything under control. I'm still not sure exactly where my life will take me (though I do have certain hopes and inklings which most people who have talked to me in the past year and a half know all about ;-) ) and I am still struggling with how to get myself out of this rut of inaction and fear of failure. But I think I am finally starting to take it to heart that I don't have forever, and I just can't waste so much time being fearful. It's not how God wants me to live. Even though I have plenty of fears left in me, I am praying and I am hopeful that I can start trusting God more (with His help). In the end, I think my biggest fear is that I will let the opportunities and experiences of life pass my by because I'm too afraid of taking risks.
Like I said, I still don't know exactly the path my life will take, but what I do know is that it's high time I look my fears straight in the eye, tell them "this life ain't big enough for the two of us," and then JUST DO SOMETHING. Because I can't have abundant fear and abundant life at the same time. It's just not possible.
I'll leave you with a quote by Oswald Chambers that has been encouraging me:
Now I live at home with my parents. I work at the same job I've always worked at (all through high school, summers when I went to college, and now after graduating), I don't have much of a community nearby (this isn't to say I don't still really love and appreciate my brothers and sisters who don't live nearby), and I am just plain BORED. It's a kind of boredom and complacency that I haven't really experienced before, and I'm growing more and more frustrated with the fact that my life feels as if it's going absolutely nowhere right now. I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, but I do know that right now I feel extremely restless and I just want to do something besides live with my parents and work just enough to pay the bills (don't get me wrong--I am very thankful that I have parents who are willing to help me out and a job that has been a blessing in ways I never expected). I know that's the way a lot of people live--existing, doing what they must to get by, settling into predictability. And in some ways, it is much more comfortable to live that way. But, contrary to what those people (and I) may sometimes feel, I think that way of living has hidden risks--which makes it all the more risky. By staying comfortable and "safe" you are risking--no, giving up--the tremendous opportunities there are to have life to the full, which is what God wants for us all. I'm not saying everybody has to go off on crazy adventures all the time, but there are definitely simple ways of getting outside your comfort zone and doing something new--perhaps even something that's scary for you. I guess what I'm saying is that you can risk failure or disappointment by doing something that's scary, or you can risk missing out on life by staying inside whatever little box is comfortable for you.
I'm definitely still figuring life out, just like everybody else. I'm still learning how to trust God with my life so much so that I can go out with faith, not knowing what will happen but trusting that God has everything under control. I'm still not sure exactly where my life will take me (though I do have certain hopes and inklings which most people who have talked to me in the past year and a half know all about ;-) ) and I am still struggling with how to get myself out of this rut of inaction and fear of failure. But I think I am finally starting to take it to heart that I don't have forever, and I just can't waste so much time being fearful. It's not how God wants me to live. Even though I have plenty of fears left in me, I am praying and I am hopeful that I can start trusting God more (with His help). In the end, I think my biggest fear is that I will let the opportunities and experiences of life pass my by because I'm too afraid of taking risks.
Like I said, I still don't know exactly the path my life will take, but what I do know is that it's high time I look my fears straight in the eye, tell them "this life ain't big enough for the two of us," and then JUST DO SOMETHING. Because I can't have abundant fear and abundant life at the same time. It's just not possible.
I'll leave you with a quote by Oswald Chambers that has been encouraging me:
You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to “go out” in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to “go out,” building your confidence in God. (My Utmost for His Highest, January 2)
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