Too much stuff.

Recently I've unexpectedly had a few days off of work. After spending a day doing nothing but being lazy and drinking coffee and watching a whole lot of daytime television, I decided it's time to clean out my closet/entire room. I'm moving out of the country in 39 days and all I can take with me are two large suitcases, one small carry on, and a backpack. I definitely can't bring everything with me, and I don't want to leave too much stuff in my parents' house. I just want to be free of all that extra stuff.

So anyways, when I started to go through all of my stuff, something unexpected happened. It became a very difficult, very emotional process for me. I think part of the reason for that is that the American materialistic attitude is more deeply ingrained in me than I realized. Sometimes I attach too much value to things instead of realizing that the memories are there even if the things aren't. And I tend to feel like I need things that, in reality, are completely unnecessary. Another widespread attitude among Americans, from what I've seen.

Another reason for the emotional distress, I think, is the reason behind me getting rid of almost everything I own. It marks a pretty big change in my life. It marks me embarking upon something scary and exciting. I mean, getting rid of most of my possessions and moving to the other side of the world with only a couple of suitcases and my own adventurous spirit is pretty big, right?

Another unexpected thing is happening as I slowly sort through everything. I'm learning some things about myself and doing a lot of thinking about life. As I put things in the "give away" box, I feel as if every item is a weight lifted off of me. I'm learning that about 99% of the things I've always taken for granted and assumed I "needed" are totally extra. And for some reason I am having trouble parting with a lot of it, even though it doesn't even serve much of a purpose in my life. That's quite a realization for me. About 99% of what I own are things I DO NOT NEED. And I have the nerve to ever think I'm not wealthy? Because I am. I'm much wealthier than many, many people in the world. But I'm also learning that material wealth doesn't equal happiness. For me, material wealth is a weight I have to drag around. One thing that's motivating me to push through the emotions of parting with my stuff is the vision I have of owning a minimal amount of possessions and having the freedom to move and to live without so much clutter in my life. I think that's what all this stuff is really doing for me...adding clutter. Not value. Clutter. I'd rather have a few things that actually matter than a million things that are just kind of...there.

I was watching the show "Hoarders" with my mom tonight, and that convinced me even more of how much I want to be free of all this extra stuff. I'm nowhere near hoarder level, and I don't think having material possessions is such a bad thing, really. But when those things accumulate to such an extent that they detract from quality of life rather than adding beauty or value or functionality, they become more of a curse than a blessing. Life becomes a cycle of trying to accumulate stuff and hold on to that stuff, and then it's easy to become too attached and it becomes a distraction from what really matters. Maybe that's why Jesus said it's really difficult for a rich man to go to heaven...we can only serve one master. And when there's too much material wealth around, it's easy for that to become our master instead of God.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that starting the very practical and necessary process of getting rid of most of the things I own has turned into a time of personal reflection and spiritual revelation that I did not foresee. The small amount of stuff I've gotten rid of so far has already given me a feeling of freedom, so I'm excited to see what it feels like to rid myself of all the other extra stuff. And I encourage anyone reading this to consider the possessions you let into your life and do some reflection about whether those things are adding beauty and value to your life or robbing you of peace. Because I truly believe that even though it might go against our nature NOT to seek all those shiny new things advertised on TV every day, the more we can learn to discern how much is too much, the simpler life will become and the more we'll be able to focus on what really matters. And that's my goal: to live life more simply and with more focus on things that are more meaningful than all the clutter I keep trying to hang on to.