Things look different when you know you have a limited time left with them. Knowing I only have just over three months left of the way my life is now gives me a whole new perspective. My happy anticipation of the future is tinged with a certain sadness at my present receding into my past.
Recently there was about a month where the plans I was making for the future were motivated by my desire to run away from a present that I wasn't satisfied in. But God has transformed my heart so that now I feel satisfied even in situations that aren't ideal. I've learned that no matter how many places I run to seek satisfaction in life, I'll never find it in this world apart from God. My future is no longer motivated by discontent, and that is truly a blessing. A blessing that makes moving on to a new stage of life just a little bit more bittersweet, because I've grown to love the people around me so much more than I ever expected to. After all, I thought that what I'm doing now was just a short pit stop on the way to something else. Now I've found that it's become something that I think I will always remember as one of the sweetest blessings in my life.
I guess this bittersweetness is a good thing, because what it really means is that I have had a good life and I'm moving from one good thing to another good thing. It means that I'm not running all over the world seeking contentment, but I am now able to recognize that God's love is present in my life in every circumstance and He's put wonderful things in my life that are worth missing when I leave.
It is an inexplicably great thing to be able to step back and trace the lines of God's love in the past few months of my life.
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