So...I guess I'm in Taipei now, huh?

This will be semi-short...partly because I'm writing it on my ipod and partly because I'm still processing things. 

In some ways, it still doesn't feel real that I'm here. Two years of thinking about it, a year of preparing for it, and now I'm ACTUALLY HERE. It's weird because my last few days at home I was a nervous wreck. I was freaking out and wondering if I was doing the right thing. Now that I'm here...I still can't know for sure. All I know is that amid the challenges and frustrations, there's definitely a big part of me that loves it here. At least so far. And I still have anxieties about all the things that aren't quite settled yet...but I guess it wouldn't be a very adventurous adventure without at least a few unknowns. Plus, it's in the times where I have no clue that God has space to really do what he does. I've already seen his provision in many ways in the four or so days I've been here. 

It's been great to catch up with a couple of friends and see the sights...maybe not so great to smell some of the smells ;) In all seriousness, though...I am blown away by the hospitality Dayna and I have been shown so far. I remember before coming here two years ago, my professor told me that Taipei is probably the friendliest big city out there. I haven't been to many other large cities, but based on what I've experienced here I'm inclined to believe him. 

Anyways, I just wanted to update and say that it's been a good experience so far and now I'm just trusting that God will open and close doors to lead me down the path that I should take...and he'll be right beside me as I navigate the crazy, frustrating, overwhelming, exciting sea of adventure that is my life right now. :)

Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

There are 79 days left until I leave for Taipei. People are constantly asking me "It's getting so close! Are you really excited?" And my honest answer to that question is..."sometimes." Of course I'm excited about a lot of things. I'm excited to see people I love that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm excited to experience another culture on a totally different level than I ever have before. I'm excited for mountains and bubble tea and the subway and the bustle of a big city. But I'm also really sad and scared about some things. At least a few times I day I stop and think "wow, I'm really, really going to miss this." I'm going to miss the convenience of actually knowing the language being spoken around me. I'm going to miss playing with my dog. I'm going to miss the sounds of my family watching TV or cooking dinner or working in the garage. I'm going to miss sitting in the break room at work and talking to my coworkers. I'm going to miss so many things.

But this is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to faith. I don't really know what is waiting for me in Taipei. There are so many things I don't have a plan for, things I can't even begin to plan for because living in a new place brings with it unexpected challenges. I could spend the rest of my time at home trying to plan every little detail, and I'm one hundred percent confident that there would still be challenges I didn't foresee. I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. It's so easy to let myself think that faith is supposed to be an easy road, but the truth is that it isn't always. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes and jump, trusting that God will be there waiting to catch me. In this phase of my life, I am acutely aware that I absolutely do not have things under control. If God doesn't make a way for me, the few plans I do have will not work out. At all.

So my prayer now is that God would teach me to have trust without borders, both literally and figuratively. I want faith that is not limited by place or time or circumstances. God has always come through before, and it is His PROMISE that He'll never leave me or forsake me. That is what I am clinging to as I process all of the emotions I have toward moving to a new country. I know that whether I am in Taiwan for a month or a lifetime, God goes before me and stays beside me, fighting for me all the way. All I have to do is trust Him.

Tracing the Lines

Things look different when you know you have a limited time left with them. Knowing I only have just over three months left of the way my life is now gives me a whole new perspective. My happy anticipation of the future is tinged with a certain sadness at my present receding into my past.

Recently there was about a month where the plans I was making for the future were motivated by my desire to run away from a present that I wasn't satisfied in. But God has transformed my heart so that now I feel satisfied even in situations that aren't ideal. I've learned that no matter how many places I run to seek satisfaction in life, I'll never find it in this world apart from God. My future is no longer motivated by discontent, and that is truly a blessing. A blessing that makes moving on to a new stage of life just a little bit more bittersweet, because I've grown to love the people around me so much more than I ever expected to. After all, I thought that what I'm doing now was just a short pit stop on the way to something else. Now I've found that it's become something that I think I will always remember as one of the sweetest blessings in my life.

I guess this bittersweetness is a good thing, because what it really means is that I have had a good life and I'm moving from one good thing to another good thing. It means that I'm not running all over the world seeking contentment, but I am now able to recognize that God's love is present in my life in every circumstance and He's put wonderful things in my life that are worth missing when I leave.

It is an inexplicably great thing to be able to step back and trace the lines of God's love in the past few months of my life.

109 Days...

109 days is the amount of time left before the flight I just booked to Taipei, Taiwan. I've been thinking and dreaming about this for so long, and now that I decided to take the plunge and buy the plane ticket and just DO IT, it feels pretty surreal. There's definitely a huge difference between thinking about doing something and actually doing it.

Now, some people think I'm a little crazy because I just spent a lot of money on a plane ticket to go live in another country, but I don't really have anything in order for when I get there yet. I still have to find a job. I still have to apply for a visa (maybe?). Basically, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I can see why it looks crazy. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Are you crazy, Ashley?" I think anyone who knows me can answer that question ;-)

But seriously, for a while I've just felt this huge desire to go to Taiwan, and things in my life (you know, besides having a job lined up before buying a plane ticket...) have been pointing me in that direction, and so I decided that I'm just going to take the next step and trust God to help me figure the rest out. I can't know for sure that this is going to work out, and it would be a lie to say that I wouldn't be pretty disappointed if it didn't. However, if I don't at least give it a try, I know that I'll always regret it and wonder "what if...?" Don't get me wrong, I have my moments of anxiety over how many unknowns are still left...who wouldn't? I have a mixture of excitement and anxiety, and I just keep praying that God would calm my fears and guide me as I plan.

I guess that's really all I have to say. There are a million other things running through my mind these past few days since Dayna and I stayed up on Skype until 3am figuring out (and booking) our flight, but if I shared all of those on the internet then everyone really would think I'm a psycho. This post is basically just to share the exciting and frightening news that I booked a plane ticket to Taiwan, and I have anxieties about moving to a foreign country (as anyone would), but I am so, so grateful for the ways in which God has provided for this adventure...both financially and through the support of many friends, both American friends that I will miss when I leave and Taiwanese friends that I can't wait to reunite with when I arrive <3

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
{Deuteronomy 31:8}

The Prostitute that Jesus Loves (and I Should Love, Too)

My job can get really monotonous. Most days I pretty much just stand in one place and do basically the same task over and over for 7.5 hours. It gives me time to think.

Sometimes I just pause and look at the people around me. Maybe this is weird, but sometimes I just watch people for a minute. Working, walking, getting a drink from the drinking fountain (or bubbler for some of my crazy WI friends). My co-workers are a pretty diverse group of people, in terms of race, religion, personality, and age. This might sound odd as well, but watching all these different people doing normal, everyday things just makes me feel so much love for them. Even though at first we all seem to be really different, we're also very much the same in a lot of ways. I think a lot about the beauty of what God created in humans, and the love that He has for us. I was thinking the other day about the fact that God created humans in His own image, which means that in every person is some reflection of who God is. How cool is that? Even people who do not believe in or love the Lord receive so much from Him and are RIDICULOUSLY valuable because they were made by God and are loved by Him.

Which reminds me of Hosea, whom God told to marry a prostitute and remain faithful to her even in her unfaithfulness. I love this picture of what the Lord did/does in the world. The world has been so unfaithful to God, but what is His response? His response is Jesus Christ, down on one knee, saying He wants us anyways. He's essentially proposing to a prostitute, just like Hosea did. Who am I to reject people God loves this much? Who am I to question their worth when God has expressed such a desire for them? It doesn't matter who it is or what they do/have done, because at the end of the day God rescued me from MY hopelessness and depravity so that I could bring good news to others, regardless of THEIR sin.

These are just some thoughts I've been having while working lately. I want to try harder to be really open to getting to know the people around me and to love them well.

Side note: there's a Christian guy who comes in to work sometimes, and while we were working one night we were chatting about how I want to move to Taiwan and he looked at me and said "But you know, there's definitely a mission field right here, too. I definitely ain't here for the money..." It was really encouraging to hear him say that. Sometimes I struggle with thinking "What if I'm supposed to stay right here and reach these people? What if I go off to Taiwan and THIS is where God wants me?" ...but it just made me remember that God is able to raise up laborers wherever He wants to. He can accomplish His purposes without me...but he gives me the honor of being part of loving the people He loves and redeeming the people He wants to redeem. And there's comfort in knowing that even if I leave, there are still people at my job that want to love and invest in the people there, who are willing to be used by God. It's encouraging and strengthening to know that I'm not the only one there with that goal. God is so faithful in bringing His people together to strengthen each other.

Anyways, the point of this whole rambling train of thought: God loves us all. We are all worth a whole lot to him. Because I know that truth, it is my job to love God and love the people around me, whether I happen to be in Brooklyn Park, MN or Taipei, Taiwan. Where I am does not change what my purpose is.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles (7155.8 Miles, to be More Exact)

My journey to Taiwan is just beginning. Currently, I am working, working, and working some more to save the money I need. I'm applying for Taiwan jobs here and there if they are something I'm really really interested in and trusting that if I get one of those "dream jobs" then God will make things work out if it's what he wants for me.

I was really hoping to be in Taiwan by now, but for various reasons it just didn't work out that way. You know what, though? I'm ok with it now. I'm working with some pretty great people and getting to know some new people, and I'm really, really glad I have the chance to do that.  I'm finding that the Lord has a purpose for me wherever I am, and that I don't have to be on some grand adventure living in another country in order for life to be exciting and fulfilling. Moving to Taiwan is still my goal and I'm still working really hard to get there, but I'm learning to be content in every situation.

My beautiful friend Lauren has already landed a job in Taipei and is going to be there within the month, and I am so so happy for her. But I'm also a little itsy bitsy bit jealous. :) I know she's going to have a great time and do a great job there, but I can't wait to be there with her!

This is Lauren...look how precious she is with her sugary tomato-prune-kabob!

Whenever I get frustrated that I'm not able to go yet, I just try to remind myself that the Lord's timing is best, so I shouldn't insist on doing things MY way. I have to remember that godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim. 6:6). I have more than I need and God will provide for whatever it is he has in store for me...my job is simply to be content with what God has given me.

So for now, I'm living life and taking joy in getting to know the people I have the privilege to be with right now!