The Season of New Beginnings//My Life Got Flipped-Turned Upside Down

So, I recently celebrated my two year anniversary of living in Taiwan. It's been a really exciting and scary time recently so I guess I'll just update on some cool stuff that God has been doing in my life lately. I hope that my little testimonies can encourage you all to have more and more faith that God really doesn't leave us on our own and really does have good plans for us. So here goes...

Every year around December, everyone at my church chooses a name/theme for their upcoming year. We all think about it and pray about it and try to hear what God is saying to us about the next year. Well, this year I really had no idea. No matter how much I thought or prayed, I just kind of felt...nothing. It was a little frustrating, because it seemed like everybody else had their name picked out and they were really excited about seeing how what they heard from God would play out in their lives. And by the end of the year, I think most people can look back and say that God really did what he told them he'd do. But I didn't feel I had heard anything.

I guess I still need to learn that God's plan for my life's seasons doesn't always exactly follow our calendar, because about two and a half months ago (about five months after we were all supposed to name our year), I finally heard something from God about it. It was pretty sudden and unexpected, too. I was going about my life, expecting it to stay relatively the same for the next several months. Sometime around May I felt God tell me, quite unexpectedly, "It's time for some change. It's time for some new beginnings." Oh, how I underestimated how this would play out.

The first big "new beginning"  was actually, in a lot of ways, an ending: quitting my job. I had thought about it before, but it just never felt like the right time. This time, however, I just knew it was right. I can't exactly explain it in logical terms, but it's like someone flipped a switch in me and it was so clear to me what I should do. I guess I can just say that the sheep know the shepherd's voice.

So I quit my job and went back to Minnesota for a few weeks, and it was exactly what I needed. I was super busy the whole time, but I think I needed  to reconnect to where I came from and the people I care about there. I had been struggling with mild depression for a few months and I just didn't know how to dig myself out, but it really helped me to have a bit of a retreat. Though I was completely physically exhausted after that trip, it refreshed me in other ways. I felt a lot more ready to take on the future when I got back to Taipei at the end of June.

The second new beginning came shortly after I returned to Taipei. My very good friend Eun Young and I became official members of our church. This is kind of big for me, because I spent A LOT of time after I first became a committed Christian floating around to different churches, never quite satisfied with any of them, never willing to commit to any of them. I've been going to church my whole life, I really and truly became a Christian about seven years ago, and yet I've never made any commitment to any church. This is a new chapter in which I am committing myself to belonging and contributing to a community of other believers. I'm really excited about officially being a member of this fantastic church family.

The third new beginning is that I found a new job...and God is definitely the one who orchestrated this. A friend of mine who had no idea I was quitting my job sent me a message asking me if I knew anyone who was looking for a job, because her school needed some new teachers for the fall semester. So I got the boss's contact information, applied for the job, and two interviews later I was hired, and I'll be starting the job in August or September. I'm really nervous because it's a totally different atmosphere than the one I came from, but I'm also excited because if God provided this job for me then there must be a reason.

The fourth new beginning has to do with my relationships with other people. I won't go into detail here, but God has shown me recently that reconciliation is possible, even when we feel hopeless about it. God really does want us to be in close relationships with others and learn how to have grace and forgiveness and generosity...which is incredibly necessary because we're all sinful and do and say the wrong things sometimes. So...reconciliation and also new friendships forming. It's really beautiful.

These four things have happened in the last two months...and I did not see any of them coming. Not even one of them. God has rearranged a lot of things in my life in a really sudden way. If this is only two months of my season of "new beginnings" I can't even begin to imagine what will come later. Only God knows, I guess.

Here's a picture of my new church home! It's cool because it's one of the tallest buildings in the area, and at night the cross lights up and you can see it for miles. 

A Year and Then Some

Guys, I'm really bad at remembering to actually update my blog. So...sorry about that.

But here I am now...and so many things have happened that I can't even begin to describe them all. It's like they say...day to day nothing changes, but when I look back I realize that somehow everything has changed. Anyways, I guess all I can really do is describe what's going on now. 

I've been in Taiwan for more than a year. Man, it feels weird to type that. It seems like just yesterday I was nervously boarding the plane at the airport in Minneapolis, unsure whether I was doing the right thing. I still remember my first few nights in Taipei so clearly...sometimes if I revisit some of my old stomping grounds from those days I can experience those emotions all over again. 

Life as an expat is really interesting. In a very good way, usually, but also sometimes in ways that make me want to just hide in my apartment. But my overall feeling is that this is where I'm supposed to be right now. For every annoyance, there are about ten things I love, so I guess dealing with a few extra hassles is really worth it in the end. 

Right now, Taiwan is entering the height of its summer heat, which means that my electricity (aka air conditioning) bill is also at its most expensive and I'm pretty sure I'm in a constant state of almost-dehydration. I also spend a significant amount of time and money hanging out at cafés, because...cold drinks, air conditioning, free wifi, waffles galore...need I go on? I love Taiwan, but I'm definitely not here for the weather...

So basically, I feel really at home here now. I've definitely changed a lot in the past year. For one thing, my Chinese has improved quite a bit (though it definitely has a long, loooooong way to go). I am not afraid to wander around new parts of the city by myself because my directional skills have gotten better (again...still not stellar, but improving..and I mean, Google maps exists for a reason, right?) I've grown to really like some stuff that once seemed super strange to me (tofu pudding with boiled peanuts, anyone??)

Gosh, I don't even know where to end this post. This year has meant so much to me. It's been such a beautiful experience in so many ways that I could never have dreamed up. I'm so grateful that God has been orchestrating this since way back in 2011,  and that he somehow convinced me--shy, timid, dependent little me--to move to the other side of the world in order to make me more and more into the person I'm meant to become. I am excited for the day when I can go back to the states for a visit, because I really miss a lot of people there...but for now I'm just really content with the path I've taken in life, because overall it's just so stinkin' great right now.

Culture Shock.

I'm here today to talk about a little thing called "culture shock"...or as I like to call it, "it feels like everything in my life sucks and is never going to get better." For about three weeks, I didn't really experience this feeling. I was still in the honeymoon stage in my relationship with Taiwan, and still am in many ways. But about a week ago, things changed. I was struggling to get used to my new job, I was feeling more homesick than I've ever felt before in my life, I was exhausted, and to be quite honest I kind of had an overall anger toward everything around me. I felt like everything was awful and was never, ever, ever going to get better.

Praise the Lord that only lasted about a day. Things started to get better after that. I'm not really sure why it took me so long to feel any sort of annoyance toward things around me, but when it came it hit me HARD. I was having thoughts like "What have I gotten myself into? Was this whole moving-far-far-away thing a terrible, terrible mistake? At least I only signed a year contract and I can leave after that if I hate it." I mean, I was already thinking about the day I could leave here. Now that it's been about a week since that low point I have a clearer head and I am not, thankfully, desperate to leave anymore.

Quite the contrary, actually. I'm starting to really enjoy certain things and make efforts to establish myself here. My teaching job has been getting better--I'm nowhere near perfect as a teacher, and I definitely still have a lot to learn and a lot of teaching skills to build, but I'm making progress. It feels good to learn and grow. I'm starting to become more open to meeting people and being friendly and attempting to use my limited Chinese skills when I can...and you know what? It's making a difference. Just last night, I stopped to buy guava from a guy who sells it from a stand down the street from my apartment. He asked me (in English) where I'm from, and I said (in Chinese) that I'm from America. He practically hyperventilated he was so excited that I could speak Chinese...so I told him I only speak a tiny bit of Chinese (in Chinese). He proceeded to say a bunch of stuff in Chinese...to my surprise I understood about half of it. But take note: if you use Chinese to tell a Chinese speaker that you speak a tiny tiny bit of Chinese, they will still assume you can understand everything they're saying.

And that's just one example. I've also become a regular at the 7-11 near the school I work at, and the same guy is always working at the time I go in. He doesn't seem to speak much English, but he uses the English he can, and I use the Chinese I can. I sit in the store for about half an hour eating a snack every day, and then when I leave he's super friendly and says "Bye bye!!" It's not like I know him very well, but it's nice to know I can go there before work every day and see the same friendly face. Establishing routines helps me not to feel so much like a lonely wanderer on the earth. And speaking of 7-11 guys...I've always thought the guys who work at the 7-11 by my apartment aren't very friendly...but today I managed to get a smile out of one of them, so that was a pretty big accomplishment in my mind. Maybe they're just not good at English and get nervous when white people walk in.

Anyways, I guess the whole point of this post is that I've definitely started to experience some culture shock. Only for about a day, but it was enough to remind me to slow down and not put so much pressure on myself to adjust before I'm really ready. You can't rush into adjusting to life in a new culture. You just can't. You have to take it one day at a time, deal with obstacles as they come, and remember that no matter how crappy you feel today, it WILL get better. Even though it doesn't feel like it. It really really will. And then one day you'll wake up and realize that some things you used to struggle with are just a little bit less of a struggle.

And another thing...when I lived in the U.S., I would say things about the fact that I really need God on a daily basis. How all of the good things come from above. How it's so important to depend on God. But let me tell you...moving to Taiwan has been a huge lesson in dependence. It's as if I wake up every day and have to go out into the world naked. That's how vulnerable I feel here sometimes. There are so many things I still can't really do without asking someone for help...and there are some things I have to deal with and adjust to here that no other human being can help me with. Especially when I first got here, I really and truly was forced to depend on God for everything, because I was clueless. Jobless. I had a week to find somewhere to stay, or I would be homeless. And you know what? That was a very practical lesson in depending on God even when I'm not forced to. Because God provided in awesome ways. I learned to have more trust in God even in the things where I could trust myself instead. I'm not saying I have perfect trust at all times, but I am saying that I got to experience God's provision and faithfulness in ways I hadn't before. So the struggles I go through, the culture shock I experience...it's worth it. It's worth it not because of the adventure of it all, but because God called me here and because I (with a decent amount of terror in my heart) followed the call, I get to experience God in new and different ways. Ways I'm not sure I would've if I had stayed in my comfort zone. Yes, I have experienced some really awful moments (emotionally) since getting here...but I don't regret coming here. Not for one second.

Observations.

I have only been in Taipei for about a week, but I'd like to share a few observations I've made since arriving.

1) Sometimes "it doesn't have any meat in it" actually means "it might have some chicken in it"

2)There are creepy middle-aged construction workers in every country.

3)We Americans are louder than we realize.

4)It sucks when you get home and realize that the 7-11 guy gave you a skinny straw for your jelly drink.

5)It's hard to find rubbing alcohol at the store when you can't read Chinese and don't know how to explain it in Chinese to the people working there.

6)Maybe this one is just me, but I feel uncomfortable when I see other white people here that I don't know.

7)Taiwanese people are super friendly. I realize that's a huge generalization, but all the people I've met so far are friendly. Except the security guard in this apartment building...he's helpful, but a little scary sometimes.

8) Night markets are all fun and games until you walk past the boiled organs stand.

9)This is more of a question, but...how can Taiwanese people not be much fatter than they are with all these delicious bakeries everywhere?

10) Tofu is way better here than when I try to cook it myself. I think I'll leave that to the pros.


Basically...I'm having a pretty great time here so far, thanks to all the friends who have been helping along the way. I can't emphasize enough how grateful I am for them, because without those kind people who have given up their time and energy to help us, this experience would be a much harder one. Hopefully someday when I'm settled and more experienced in Taipei life, I can pay it forward.

So...I guess I'm in Taipei now, huh?

This will be semi-short...partly because I'm writing it on my ipod and partly because I'm still processing things. 

In some ways, it still doesn't feel real that I'm here. Two years of thinking about it, a year of preparing for it, and now I'm ACTUALLY HERE. It's weird because my last few days at home I was a nervous wreck. I was freaking out and wondering if I was doing the right thing. Now that I'm here...I still can't know for sure. All I know is that amid the challenges and frustrations, there's definitely a big part of me that loves it here. At least so far. And I still have anxieties about all the things that aren't quite settled yet...but I guess it wouldn't be a very adventurous adventure without at least a few unknowns. Plus, it's in the times where I have no clue that God has space to really do what he does. I've already seen his provision in many ways in the four or so days I've been here. 

It's been great to catch up with a couple of friends and see the sights...maybe not so great to smell some of the smells ;) In all seriousness, though...I am blown away by the hospitality Dayna and I have been shown so far. I remember before coming here two years ago, my professor told me that Taipei is probably the friendliest big city out there. I haven't been to many other large cities, but based on what I've experienced here I'm inclined to believe him. 

Anyways, I just wanted to update and say that it's been a good experience so far and now I'm just trusting that God will open and close doors to lead me down the path that I should take...and he'll be right beside me as I navigate the crazy, frustrating, overwhelming, exciting sea of adventure that is my life right now. :)

Too much stuff.

Recently I've unexpectedly had a few days off of work. After spending a day doing nothing but being lazy and drinking coffee and watching a whole lot of daytime television, I decided it's time to clean out my closet/entire room. I'm moving out of the country in 39 days and all I can take with me are two large suitcases, one small carry on, and a backpack. I definitely can't bring everything with me, and I don't want to leave too much stuff in my parents' house. I just want to be free of all that extra stuff.

So anyways, when I started to go through all of my stuff, something unexpected happened. It became a very difficult, very emotional process for me. I think part of the reason for that is that the American materialistic attitude is more deeply ingrained in me than I realized. Sometimes I attach too much value to things instead of realizing that the memories are there even if the things aren't. And I tend to feel like I need things that, in reality, are completely unnecessary. Another widespread attitude among Americans, from what I've seen.

Another reason for the emotional distress, I think, is the reason behind me getting rid of almost everything I own. It marks a pretty big change in my life. It marks me embarking upon something scary and exciting. I mean, getting rid of most of my possessions and moving to the other side of the world with only a couple of suitcases and my own adventurous spirit is pretty big, right?

Another unexpected thing is happening as I slowly sort through everything. I'm learning some things about myself and doing a lot of thinking about life. As I put things in the "give away" box, I feel as if every item is a weight lifted off of me. I'm learning that about 99% of the things I've always taken for granted and assumed I "needed" are totally extra. And for some reason I am having trouble parting with a lot of it, even though it doesn't even serve much of a purpose in my life. That's quite a realization for me. About 99% of what I own are things I DO NOT NEED. And I have the nerve to ever think I'm not wealthy? Because I am. I'm much wealthier than many, many people in the world. But I'm also learning that material wealth doesn't equal happiness. For me, material wealth is a weight I have to drag around. One thing that's motivating me to push through the emotions of parting with my stuff is the vision I have of owning a minimal amount of possessions and having the freedom to move and to live without so much clutter in my life. I think that's what all this stuff is really doing for me...adding clutter. Not value. Clutter. I'd rather have a few things that actually matter than a million things that are just kind of...there.

I was watching the show "Hoarders" with my mom tonight, and that convinced me even more of how much I want to be free of all this extra stuff. I'm nowhere near hoarder level, and I don't think having material possessions is such a bad thing, really. But when those things accumulate to such an extent that they detract from quality of life rather than adding beauty or value or functionality, they become more of a curse than a blessing. Life becomes a cycle of trying to accumulate stuff and hold on to that stuff, and then it's easy to become too attached and it becomes a distraction from what really matters. Maybe that's why Jesus said it's really difficult for a rich man to go to heaven...we can only serve one master. And when there's too much material wealth around, it's easy for that to become our master instead of God.

Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is that starting the very practical and necessary process of getting rid of most of the things I own has turned into a time of personal reflection and spiritual revelation that I did not foresee. The small amount of stuff I've gotten rid of so far has already given me a feeling of freedom, so I'm excited to see what it feels like to rid myself of all the other extra stuff. And I encourage anyone reading this to consider the possessions you let into your life and do some reflection about whether those things are adding beauty and value to your life or robbing you of peace. Because I truly believe that even though it might go against our nature NOT to seek all those shiny new things advertised on TV every day, the more we can learn to discern how much is too much, the simpler life will become and the more we'll be able to focus on what really matters. And that's my goal: to live life more simply and with more focus on things that are more meaningful than all the clutter I keep trying to hang on to.

Your father's good pleasure

“Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom." Luke 12:32

 

I was reading in Luke today, and Luke 12:32 really stood out to me. So often, it's easy to feel like I have to earn what God gives me. Like God will love me more or give me more grace if I just stop being so stupid and just try harder. It's like I imagine God as a delinquent father who sends a few dollars of child support every month because he made us and has to take responsibility.

But that's so far from the truth. God is happy to give us the kingdom. He loves us, PERIOD. No conditions. I need to stop living like God begrudgingly gives us the bare minimum when the truth is that he sees us as a treasure that he willingly gave up everything for on the cross. I am a child of God, and it's about time I started really and truly believing it and living it.

 



Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders

There are 79 days left until I leave for Taipei. People are constantly asking me "It's getting so close! Are you really excited?" And my honest answer to that question is..."sometimes." Of course I'm excited about a lot of things. I'm excited to see people I love that I haven't seen in a long time. I'm excited to experience another culture on a totally different level than I ever have before. I'm excited for mountains and bubble tea and the subway and the bustle of a big city. But I'm also really sad and scared about some things. At least a few times I day I stop and think "wow, I'm really, really going to miss this." I'm going to miss the convenience of actually knowing the language being spoken around me. I'm going to miss playing with my dog. I'm going to miss the sounds of my family watching TV or cooking dinner or working in the garage. I'm going to miss sitting in the break room at work and talking to my coworkers. I'm going to miss so many things.

But this is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to faith. I don't really know what is waiting for me in Taipei. There are so many things I don't have a plan for, things I can't even begin to plan for because living in a new place brings with it unexpected challenges. I could spend the rest of my time at home trying to plan every little detail, and I'm one hundred percent confident that there would still be challenges I didn't foresee. I've been thinking a lot about faith lately. It's so easy to let myself think that faith is supposed to be an easy road, but the truth is that it isn't always. Sometimes I just have to close my eyes and jump, trusting that God will be there waiting to catch me. In this phase of my life, I am acutely aware that I absolutely do not have things under control. If God doesn't make a way for me, the few plans I do have will not work out. At all.

So my prayer now is that God would teach me to have trust without borders, both literally and figuratively. I want faith that is not limited by place or time or circumstances. God has always come through before, and it is His PROMISE that He'll never leave me or forsake me. That is what I am clinging to as I process all of the emotions I have toward moving to a new country. I know that whether I am in Taiwan for a month or a lifetime, God goes before me and stays beside me, fighting for me all the way. All I have to do is trust Him.

Tracing the Lines

Things look different when you know you have a limited time left with them. Knowing I only have just over three months left of the way my life is now gives me a whole new perspective. My happy anticipation of the future is tinged with a certain sadness at my present receding into my past.

Recently there was about a month where the plans I was making for the future were motivated by my desire to run away from a present that I wasn't satisfied in. But God has transformed my heart so that now I feel satisfied even in situations that aren't ideal. I've learned that no matter how many places I run to seek satisfaction in life, I'll never find it in this world apart from God. My future is no longer motivated by discontent, and that is truly a blessing. A blessing that makes moving on to a new stage of life just a little bit more bittersweet, because I've grown to love the people around me so much more than I ever expected to. After all, I thought that what I'm doing now was just a short pit stop on the way to something else. Now I've found that it's become something that I think I will always remember as one of the sweetest blessings in my life.

I guess this bittersweetness is a good thing, because what it really means is that I have had a good life and I'm moving from one good thing to another good thing. It means that I'm not running all over the world seeking contentment, but I am now able to recognize that God's love is present in my life in every circumstance and He's put wonderful things in my life that are worth missing when I leave.

It is an inexplicably great thing to be able to step back and trace the lines of God's love in the past few months of my life.

109 Days...

109 days is the amount of time left before the flight I just booked to Taipei, Taiwan. I've been thinking and dreaming about this for so long, and now that I decided to take the plunge and buy the plane ticket and just DO IT, it feels pretty surreal. There's definitely a huge difference between thinking about doing something and actually doing it.

Now, some people think I'm a little crazy because I just spent a lot of money on a plane ticket to go live in another country, but I don't really have anything in order for when I get there yet. I still have to find a job. I still have to apply for a visa (maybe?). Basically, I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. I can see why it looks crazy. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think, "Are you crazy, Ashley?" I think anyone who knows me can answer that question ;-)

But seriously, for a while I've just felt this huge desire to go to Taiwan, and things in my life (you know, besides having a job lined up before buying a plane ticket...) have been pointing me in that direction, and so I decided that I'm just going to take the next step and trust God to help me figure the rest out. I can't know for sure that this is going to work out, and it would be a lie to say that I wouldn't be pretty disappointed if it didn't. However, if I don't at least give it a try, I know that I'll always regret it and wonder "what if...?" Don't get me wrong, I have my moments of anxiety over how many unknowns are still left...who wouldn't? I have a mixture of excitement and anxiety, and I just keep praying that God would calm my fears and guide me as I plan.

I guess that's really all I have to say. There are a million other things running through my mind these past few days since Dayna and I stayed up on Skype until 3am figuring out (and booking) our flight, but if I shared all of those on the internet then everyone really would think I'm a psycho. This post is basically just to share the exciting and frightening news that I booked a plane ticket to Taiwan, and I have anxieties about moving to a foreign country (as anyone would), but I am so, so grateful for the ways in which God has provided for this adventure...both financially and through the support of many friends, both American friends that I will miss when I leave and Taiwanese friends that I can't wait to reunite with when I arrive <3

It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.
{Deuteronomy 31:8}

This Life Ain't Big Enough for the Two of Us

I was reading Francis Chan's book Crazy Love today and in the chapter I'm reading he quotes Ecclesiastes 7:2, which says:

It is better to go to a house of mourning

than to go to a house of feasting,

for death is the destiny of every man;

the living should take this to heart. 

It made me realize that I usually don't take it to heart that death is my destiny, and that I don't live like it is most of the time. Instead, I often live in fear and hold myself back because of worries and what-ifs. Well lately, it has started to hit me that this is no way to live. When I was still in school, I had things built into my life that kept me distracted and busy, so I didn't notice so much that I avoided things that scare me. Or that I'm bad at being proactive and confident about things (probably because putting myself out there and risking failure is hugely scary to me). I did a few things that made me mildly nervous but usually it was something that I considered to be relatively "safe."

Now I live at home with my parents. I work at the same job I've always worked at (all through high school, summers when I went to college, and now after graduating), I don't have much of a community nearby (this isn't to say I don't still really love and appreciate my brothers and sisters who don't live nearby), and I am just plain BORED. It's a kind of boredom and complacency that I haven't really experienced before, and I'm growing more and more frustrated with the fact that my life feels as if it's going absolutely nowhere right now. I don't know where I'll end up or what I'll be doing, but I do know that right now I feel extremely restless and I just want to do something besides live with my parents and work just enough to pay the bills (don't get me wrong--I am very thankful that I have parents who are willing to help me out and a job that has been a blessing in ways I never expected). I know that's the way a lot of people live--existing, doing what they must to get by, settling into predictability. And in some ways, it is much more comfortable to live that way. But, contrary to what those people (and I) may sometimes feel, I think that way of living has hidden risks--which makes it all the more risky. By staying comfortable and "safe" you are risking--no, giving up--the tremendous opportunities there are to have life to the full, which is what God wants for us all. I'm not saying everybody has to go off on crazy adventures all the time, but there are definitely simple ways of getting outside your comfort zone and doing something new--perhaps even something that's scary for you. I guess what I'm saying is that you can risk failure or disappointment by doing something that's scary, or you can risk missing out on life by staying inside whatever little box is comfortable for you.

I'm definitely still figuring life out, just like everybody else. I'm still learning how to trust God with my life so much so that I can go out with faith, not knowing what will happen but trusting that God has everything under control. I'm still not sure exactly where my life will take me (though I do have certain hopes and inklings which most people who have talked to me in the past year and a half know all about ;-) ) and I am still struggling with how to get myself out of this rut of inaction and fear of failure. But I think I am finally starting to take it to heart that I don't have forever, and I just can't waste so much time being fearful. It's not how God wants me to live. Even though I have plenty of fears left in me, I am praying and I am hopeful that I can start trusting God more (with His help). In the end, I think my biggest fear is that I will let the opportunities and experiences of life pass my by because I'm too afraid of taking risks.

Like I said, I still don't know exactly the path my life will take, but what I do know is that it's high time I look my fears straight in the eye, tell them "this life ain't big enough for the two of us," and then JUST DO SOMETHING. Because I can't have abundant fear and abundant life at the same time. It's just not possible.

I'll leave you with a quote by Oswald Chambers that has been encouraging me:

You don’t know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. Continually examine your attitude toward God to see if you are willing to “go out” in every area of your life, trusting in God entirely. It is this attitude that keeps you in constant wonder, because you don’t know what God is going to do next. Each morning as you wake, there is a new opportunity to “go out,” building your confidence in God.  (My Utmost for His Highest, January 2)

Moth and Rust and Hurricane

I have been watching a lot of news stories about the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy in the past day or so, and I find it really heartbreaking. So many people are being interviewed who are completely distraught because their homes are flooded (some even burned down) and they've lost nearly everything. I can't even imagine what that would feel like...to be forced to leave my home, and to return to find it destroyed along with all of the possessions inside. It must be so unreal.

But even more tragic than the loss of all of those things is the attachment we have to our possessions. I feel that attachment too, as much as I wish I didn't. Of course it's hard to lose everything, and there's no way I can know exactly what that's like because I've never been through it.

Jesus knew of our attachment to material wealth. That's why he said things like "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions" (Luke 13:15) and "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on Earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal" (Matthew 6:19). People (including me) have an unhealthy attachment to wealth and possessions.

I don't mean to be unsympathetic toward the people who are suffering so much in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. I don't mean to disregard the pain that these people are feeling, many of whom have lost their homes and are left with nothing but the clothes on their backs. I'm just saying that this is a reminder to me that things on this earth are temporary. They can be (and often are) destroyed by moth and rust (and hurricane). So what are we to do in light of such knowledge? Jesus says "store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy and thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" (Matthew 6:20).

I hope and pray not only that people will find comfort during this difficult time, but that this will cause some people on the to seriously seek Truth in a time where they've lost everything else. I do not rejoice that this disaster has happened, but if even one person turns to Christ as a result of disaster in their lives, then I think THAT is something to rejoice over, because He is the giver of true life, peace, and hope. <3

The Prostitute that Jesus Loves (and I Should Love, Too)

My job can get really monotonous. Most days I pretty much just stand in one place and do basically the same task over and over for 7.5 hours. It gives me time to think.

Sometimes I just pause and look at the people around me. Maybe this is weird, but sometimes I just watch people for a minute. Working, walking, getting a drink from the drinking fountain (or bubbler for some of my crazy WI friends). My co-workers are a pretty diverse group of people, in terms of race, religion, personality, and age. This might sound odd as well, but watching all these different people doing normal, everyday things just makes me feel so much love for them. Even though at first we all seem to be really different, we're also very much the same in a lot of ways. I think a lot about the beauty of what God created in humans, and the love that He has for us. I was thinking the other day about the fact that God created humans in His own image, which means that in every person is some reflection of who God is. How cool is that? Even people who do not believe in or love the Lord receive so much from Him and are RIDICULOUSLY valuable because they were made by God and are loved by Him.

Which reminds me of Hosea, whom God told to marry a prostitute and remain faithful to her even in her unfaithfulness. I love this picture of what the Lord did/does in the world. The world has been so unfaithful to God, but what is His response? His response is Jesus Christ, down on one knee, saying He wants us anyways. He's essentially proposing to a prostitute, just like Hosea did. Who am I to reject people God loves this much? Who am I to question their worth when God has expressed such a desire for them? It doesn't matter who it is or what they do/have done, because at the end of the day God rescued me from MY hopelessness and depravity so that I could bring good news to others, regardless of THEIR sin.

These are just some thoughts I've been having while working lately. I want to try harder to be really open to getting to know the people around me and to love them well.

Side note: there's a Christian guy who comes in to work sometimes, and while we were working one night we were chatting about how I want to move to Taiwan and he looked at me and said "But you know, there's definitely a mission field right here, too. I definitely ain't here for the money..." It was really encouraging to hear him say that. Sometimes I struggle with thinking "What if I'm supposed to stay right here and reach these people? What if I go off to Taiwan and THIS is where God wants me?" ...but it just made me remember that God is able to raise up laborers wherever He wants to. He can accomplish His purposes without me...but he gives me the honor of being part of loving the people He loves and redeeming the people He wants to redeem. And there's comfort in knowing that even if I leave, there are still people at my job that want to love and invest in the people there, who are willing to be used by God. It's encouraging and strengthening to know that I'm not the only one there with that goal. God is so faithful in bringing His people together to strengthen each other.

Anyways, the point of this whole rambling train of thought: God loves us all. We are all worth a whole lot to him. Because I know that truth, it is my job to love God and love the people around me, whether I happen to be in Brooklyn Park, MN or Taipei, Taiwan. Where I am does not change what my purpose is.

Adventure Season!

I seriously love autumn. It's definitely my favorite season. The trees are a beautiful mix of reds and yellows and oranges and browns. The air is more crisp, less humid. The sky is a little cloudier (which may not seem like a good thing to everyone, but I love it). And I love the fall flavors...pumpkin, apple, YUM. Warm drinks taste better (I mean, don't get me wrong--I still drink loads of coffee in the summer. It's just much cozier when it's chilly outside).

But what I love most about autumn is that it just feels like change. I don't know why the coming of autumn feels more like change to me than the changing of other seasons, but it does. It just makes me feel like change is okay. Good, even.

This autumn is definitely a change for me. I'm not going back to school. I'm just continuing to work. I'm away from all of the friends that I grew so close to throughout college. I thought I would be much more sad about this than I am. It just feels like...life goes on, and I have to be content with where I am. I can't keep looking back and wishing for what I used to have. There are some exciting changes on my horizon, too. Like moving to Taipei. I'm still applying for jobs and working until the right one comes along, and it's very exciting daydreaming about seeing my friends there, about experiencing the culture, about returning to places I love.

Change is scary, even the changes I am making voluntarily. Being at home has made me realize that I have to move with the changes of life. I'm living at home with my parents and brother, just like I always used to before I went to college. Even though I love my family, it's not the same as it was when I was younger. There's a song I really like called "Painting Pictures of Egypt" by Sara Groves, and some of the lyrics say:

The future seems so hard
And I want to go back
But the places that used to fit me
Cannot hold the things I've learned
And those roads were closed off to me
While my back was turned

This describes how I feel right now. Like where I was in the past isn't right for me anymore, but the future is so unknown and scary. But I guess the scary things are often the things that are most worth doing, because they require a new level of trust in the Lord and where He's leading me. So here's to changing with the seasons; to pursuing new things, even if they're scary. This is adventure season!


The Journey of a Thousand Miles (7155.8 Miles, to be More Exact)

My journey to Taiwan is just beginning. Currently, I am working, working, and working some more to save the money I need. I'm applying for Taiwan jobs here and there if they are something I'm really really interested in and trusting that if I get one of those "dream jobs" then God will make things work out if it's what he wants for me.

I was really hoping to be in Taiwan by now, but for various reasons it just didn't work out that way. You know what, though? I'm ok with it now. I'm working with some pretty great people and getting to know some new people, and I'm really, really glad I have the chance to do that.  I'm finding that the Lord has a purpose for me wherever I am, and that I don't have to be on some grand adventure living in another country in order for life to be exciting and fulfilling. Moving to Taiwan is still my goal and I'm still working really hard to get there, but I'm learning to be content in every situation.

My beautiful friend Lauren has already landed a job in Taipei and is going to be there within the month, and I am so so happy for her. But I'm also a little itsy bitsy bit jealous. :) I know she's going to have a great time and do a great job there, but I can't wait to be there with her!

This is Lauren...look how precious she is with her sugary tomato-prune-kabob!

Whenever I get frustrated that I'm not able to go yet, I just try to remind myself that the Lord's timing is best, so I shouldn't insist on doing things MY way. I have to remember that godliness with contentment is great gain (1 Tim. 6:6). I have more than I need and God will provide for whatever it is he has in store for me...my job is simply to be content with what God has given me.

So for now, I'm living life and taking joy in getting to know the people I have the privilege to be with right now!